Gingerbread Kale Chips

~ raw, vegan, gluten-free ~

Kale chips to me are what Twinkies are to kids, what Gatoraid is to athletes, what a bone is to a dog, what an acorn is to a squirrel, what catnip is to a cat…  you get the picture.

To me, for me, they are ADDICTING!   And these Gingerbread Kale Chips do not disappoint!  There are several signs of addiction… let me see if I fit the bill.

People who don’t have an addiction problem don’t wonder if they have a problem. It’s simply not something they think about because they don’t need to. The mind is funny in that way.  If we’re paying attention, the mind tells us what we need to know whether we want to hear it or not.

If it is haunting you with questions such as “What am I doing, why am I licking the bowl of kale chip batter?” “Why do I keep doing it?” and “Why can’t I stop, how is it possible that I ate 3 heads of kale in 20 minutes all by myself?” take note.  Your problem may have crossed that line into addiction. Gulp

When others touch on the topic, do you feel your hackles rise, and do you instantly defend yourself with statements like: “It’s not a problem for me, “If other people don’t understand, it’s their problem,” “I can stop doing it anytime I want to?”  But, in your inner core, do you know these things aren’t true?  Just because I locked myself in the closet with my trays of dehydrated kale chips, doesn’t mean I really have a problem does it?

Blaming ~

Placing blame for your behavior on others or a situation is an old ploy of addicts that keeps them from taking responsibility for their choices.

When others are out of the picture, and the situation is resolved, and the behavior continues, it’s a clear sign that there’s a problem — yours.

Secrets and lies ~

Often, addicts are the only ones who think their addiction is a secret. They believe the lies are hiding the secret, but those close to them have noticed the green kale specs crammed between your teeth, abusing the use of coupons for fresh kale, gambling away necessary funds, overeating kale, etc. If addicts know that others know, but they continue to tell lies, then the only ones they’re fooling is themselves.

Guilt and shame ~

How you feel about your behavior should be a clear indication of whether or not it’s a problem. If you feel guilt and shame, but you can’t seem to stop what you’re doing, then the problem has become an addiction.

No one wants to feel guilt and shame, so if you inflict it on yourself repeatedly, then that’s something you should take a hard look at.  Do I really need to feel guilty for eating a whole head of kale in one sitting, without offering any to my husband?

Isolation ~

Convincing yourself that, others don’t understand, or you don’t fit into the SAD eating world around you to justify your behavior may convince you that you are protecting yourself from more pain and disappointment, but it will leave you feeling alone and empty.  Well, not really my tummy is full of healthy kale chips!

I am convinced after thorough research on the actions of an addict that… I DON’T HAVE A PROBLEM!  :) <— bats eyelashes

1. Selecting Kale:
   • Don’t use wilted / old kale; it can have a bitter undertone.
   • I prefer Curly Kale because all of the folds really hold onto the sauce.
2. Wash and de-stem your kale.
   • Start by washing the kale and blotting it dry.  You can also use a salad spinner if you own one.
   • Make sure you get as much excess water off of the kale as possible.  If you don’t, it will make your sauce “soupy.”  Set aside.
   • Starting at the bottom strip away the leaf leaving behind only the stem.
   • Tear the remaining leaves into pieces that are a tad larger than bite-size since they tend to shrink.

Sauce Prep:

1. After soaking the cashews, drain and discard the water.
2. In a high-powered blender combine the; cashews, dates, water, stevia and spices. Blend until the sauce is creamy smooth.
   • Due to the volume and the creamy texture that we are going after, it is important to use a high-powered blender.  It could be too taxing on a lower-end model.
   • Create a vortex in the blender; this will help ensure that the sauce is getting fully blended into a creamy texture.
   • What is a vortex?  Look into the container from the top and slowly increase the speed from low to high,  the batter will form a small vortex (or hole) in the center.  High-powered machines have containers that are designed to create a controlled vortex, systematically folding ingredients back to the blades for smoother blends and faster processing… instead of just spinning ingredients around, hoping they find their way to the blades.
   • If your machine isn’t powerful enough or built to do this, you may need to stop the unit often to scrape down the sides.
   • This process can take 1-3 minutes, depending on the strength of the blender.  Keep your hand cupped around the base of the blender carafe to feel for warmth.  If the batter is getting too warm., stop the machine and let it cool, then proceed once cooled.

Assembly:

1. Place the torn kale into a very large bowl.
2. Pour in the sauce and with your hands gently and evenly coat each piece of kale.
   • This is a “hands-on” job.  Stirring with a spoon just doesn’t do the trick.
   • I would suggest removing any jewelry from your fingers.  I have temporarily lost a ring here and there.

Dehydrator Method:

1. Have the dehydrator trays ready by lining them with non-stick teflex or parchment paper.
   • Don’t use wax paper because food tends to stick to it.
   • Spread all the trays out in advance because soon your hands will be covered in sauce and you don’t want to get it all over.
2. Place the kale on the non-stick sheets.  You can do this 1 of 2 ways:
   • Lay each piece out semi-flat if you want to create individual pieces.  More time-consuming and chips tend to a be a little bit more fragile.
   • Or, drop clumps of coated kale on the sheets.  This will create hardy clusters that are loaded with sauce and flavor.  This is my preference.
3. Dehydrate at 115 degrees (F) for about 6-8 hrs or until dry.
   • I tend to pull mine out before it gets 100% dry because I like it a little chewy.
   • The dry time is just an estimate.  The climate, humidity, dehydrator and how full the machine is can all affect how long it will take to dry.
4. Store in an airtight glass container and be ready to nibble non-stop till the last crumb is gone!
5. If the kale chips start taking on some humidity from the house, you can place them back into the dehydrator for a few hours at 115 degrees (F).

Oven Method:

1. Please use as a guide and closely monitor the kale chips as they cook.
2. Preheat the oven to 300 degrees (F), anything higher and risk burning the chips.
3. Line the baking sheet with parchment paper and place the kale chips on the baking sheet in a single layer.
4. Bake for 10 minutes, rotate the pan and bake for another 15 minutes.
   • The bake times will vary based on your oven, but it’s a good starting off point!
5. Once you pull the tray from the oven, allow the chips to cool on the baking sheet.
6. Store in an airtight glass container and be ready to nibble non-stop till the last crumb is gone!